The United Airlines Family

Let’s be clear - this isn’t a review of review of Americans - as both nationalities (US and UK) were more than represented within the United staff that we encountered.

We had lots of mixed feelings;

Ground Crew (Heathrow - London)

Wasn’t impressed. Lots of people standing around and not doing a lot.

Scott - I’d have a look at this. Pretty sure none of the staff would recognise you - as they didn’t seem to give a crap.

I did self scan and screwed it up as I was firing the scanner gun around like a stormtrooper. We were then schooled on how to check in a bag. I think the most condescending instruction was - “You have to follow the instructions on the screen, all the instructions are on the screen”. At least I understand mansplaining - when it’s coming the other direction.

I acknowledged the condescending tone of the instruction, knowing full well that it was my storm trooper antics that had caused the issue, and I was keen to shoot the bar code with the scanner again.

Cabin crew (Heathrow to Denver)

Lots of gossiping in the galley about vegetarians and vegans. I’m pretty sure that they have them in the US - but maybe United don’t fly to California? Yes their food choices might be more challenging to cater for - but that’s pretty much the only way they differ from us meat eaters.

Passengers don’t seem to listen to the cabin crew - they get up for a whizz when they want - regardless of seat belt signs. I guess free whizz is maybe a constitutional right like free speech.

Personally, I’d prefer the cabin crew to take a bit more control.I’m not keen on being taken out mid-flight by a whizz soaked lifeless body during heavy turbulence.

1st Service

The cabin crew were more mature than I am used to in the UK. Not in a bad way — just… different energy.

They also managed the cabin in an unfamiliar way - more like that aunt or uncle who lets you stay over, feeds you, but isn’t especially interested in your food preferences - unless its already been bought in.

They weren’t like your mummy or daddy that listened to your childhood concerns - mummy is my vegetarian meal vegan, as I’m now a vegan mummy, or does it have milk in it mummy? Answering curtly with, Hunny - its vegetarian not vegan. No follow-up. No alternatives. No emotional support. No explanation for what the Vegan should do next. Eat up you’re at your aunties, I didn’t push you out of my front bottom and we don’t pander to you vegan kids here.

We were grateful for what we were given.

After the first service they all disappeared - well it is 14:00 and aunty needs a nap.

As the flight went on the cabin crew looked more and more visibly haggard - their faces screaming that they wanted off this flight.

2nd Service

2nd service has started and the cabin crew have a renewed spring in their step - though its more of grit and determination to get the service over with.

It appears that with United you can pre-order your 2nd meal. The logistics of said meal distribution seems to be frustrating our cabin crew - the flight isn’t full, so people have moved, or they are simply not hungry having been fed only a couple of hours earlier, or they are standing in the aisles blocking trolley access.

Given some of the language from the galley - I think they would prefer no meal choices, and potentially no passengers, and certainly no vegan passengers that didn’t pre-order a vegan meal. Honey we are a little limited up here in the air in conjuring up a vegan meal - will these crisps do?

I was frightened to press the call button.

3rd Service

For 3rd service the crew was much more buoyant.

I think the upbeat mode was driven by the flight nearing conclusion, and the lack of choice being offered - Pizza or Pizza - one vegetarian, one non-vegetarian, neither vegan. We received the first smiles (masking thank God this is nearly over). We had one each of the pizza roll things - they weren’t great and weren’t finished by either of us.

All three meals done now and we are stuffed, and with 5 little bottles of wine each needless to say quite merry. We land US time at 14:00, UK time will be 21:00. It will be an early night.

Thanks United Airlines